Madness: Now Served in Black and White!

Feeling sorry

For feeling alone.

Feeling sorry

For endings I’ll never know.

Feeling sorry

For letting myself go.

I should’ve known,

I should’ve known.

Stupid girl,

Why didn’t you see?

The beautiful music I heard

Was really the remnant of me

Being played out.

I wish I could liken us

To a beautiful tragedy,

But you don’t deserve that honor.

Tragedies are art;

You were a mistake.

I want those nights,

I want that kiss,

Just not with you.

You had your chance;

You abandoned ship

And now look at you.

Lost at sea, you and me.

I once thought it wise to collide.

I thought you’d help me

Find my way,

Now I’m just f a r t h e r

And f  a  r  t  h  e  r

From bay.

I keep holding on to something

That was never mine.

I guess that makes me a thief;

I have to give you back someday,

Let you go.

It’ll hurt, I know.

You’re the closest I’ve come to love,

And I know I deserve better

And I know I’ll never be enough.

But promise me that you’ll remember me,

Those nights, that kiss. 

Promise that you won’t kick

Me out of your memory, so I

Won’t feel so bad about

Letting you stay in mine.

 Love, infatuation, lust.

Whatever you want to call it,

It makes you do some                                        stupid

Things. I don’t know whose

Spell I was under, but I’m

Glad the veil has finally lifted.

Were you the one                                                to start it

All? Did you light the match and

Set fire to gasoline-soaked rags?

Are you the one to blame for this

Mess, or should I point my finger

At the mirror?

I thought I was much too                                  smart

For these antics,

These childish games of yours.

I thought I knew better than to

Go along. Well, dear, one of us has                 to end it

At some point, and for once,

I feel like being in control. 

After spending most of my life as

A mere pawn in this brutal game

I’ve come to accept as Love,

I have had a breakthrough.

A revelation, if you please.

I know the rules just as well

As those assumed to be superior to me.

While I may have yet to win a match,

I’ve played my fair share of games,

And know the general course

And favorite plays.

 I would be a fool to fail to recognize

That I can rise above this pitiful state

I’ve allowed myself to be in for all these years.

I am just as smart

Just as fast

Just as strong as my competitors.

I am too smart to let myself lose another round.

No, this match,

I am in control. 

I have come to the conclusion that I need to find a foreign guy, fall in love with him, somehow make him fall for me, and marry him. Preferably someone from Australia or England (as long as his teeth are in good shape). American boys and I just don’t click. The qualifications aren’t too unrealistic; I only ask that he is tall, has pretty eyes (doesn’t matter what color), isn’t easily offended, loves to laugh, and can hold an intelligent conversation; maybe even show me up and make me look mentally handicapped every now and again. Oh, and can correctly use your/you’re their/there/they’re it’s/its too/to/two and whose/who’s in a sentence.
That’s not asking too much, right?

Some Days, I Feel Like The Beauty

Standing tall and proud,
head and shoulders above
all the                                                         other
girls around me. There’s
nothing that can bring me
down. But some                                          days
don’t go quite like that.
Many days go by
where                                                         I
find it hard to face the
stranger in the mirror,
and harder to live in her
skin. I don’t know why I                              feel
this way. Some say I have
a warped perception of
myself. It’s                                                  like
I’m two different people,
residing in one body, each
fighting for                                                  the
privilege of occupying my
body and my psyche. I wake
up each morning, wondering
if beauty or                                                 beast
won.

Times change, 

feelings fade 

and sway. 

Now it’s like

I never knew 

you. 

I never loved 

you. 

I never cried

for you. 

It’s like you never

held my heart, 

like I never 

dreamed about 

resting in your 

arms,

or dancing my

nerves away

with you.

Now, you are

just a lovely 

face I used to 

pretend to know.

A stranger who

lived in my heart,

then ran away 

unannounced. 

I blindly gave 

what little I 

could offer; 

you merely

glanced at my

offerings

and calmly 

walked away, 

like I always

knew you would.